In light of the news that another gay teen committed suicide, some of the discussions this week about bullying, and the fact that I just finished reading the It Get’s Better book, I thought I would offer my view on bullying.
Many people take the tact with bullying that we must eliminate bullying and that must be the only focus. To those people, take your head out of the sand and look around. Bullying is an everyday part of life, even after high school. I see some level of bullying ever day in my work and social environments. Eliminating bullying is not realistic and a focus solely on elimination is a great disservice to everyone. Just the other day I was the victim of a fairly vicious bullying attack and I go nowhere near high schools.
I do agree with people who say we must reduce the amount of bullying that occurs to an extent. However, I do not agree with this mindset and pursuing this at all cost. In my opinion bullying can save a life too, if done in the right way. But more on that later.
The focus around bullying should be how to cope with bullying, and providing our kids with the tools and skills to do this. The It Gets Better project is an example of this as it is a tool to let kids being bullied for their sexual orientation know that they are not alone. They are not the only people who have been bullied for being gay. However, many people point to the project and say that is enough. That is not enough.
There are many levels of coping with being bullied. Different people will have to use a different coping method. Different types of bullying will have to use a different coping method.
The first and best way to cope is to let it roll off your back and ignore it. Eventually the bullies will realize that you do not care. Once they realize this they will either stop bullying you or start bullying you from a different angle until they find one that gets under your skin.
The second option is to tell someone. However, no one wants to be a tattle tale. And once the bully knows you told someone in authority about them they are going to be even more vicious. The people in power cannot see everything.
The third option is to react to the bully and let them know it hurts you. This might stop a small minority of bullies, but a lot of them will just see this as justification to bully you more.
Those are the three options that almost everyone advocates and honestly they work sometimes. But they also fail a lot of the time. The most effective option of those three require you to have a thick skin for a prolonged period of time. And not everyone is that tough.
So I am a staunch believer in the fourth option and get a lot of flack for it. Bully the bully. Bullies want to pick on the easy targets to get a rise out of the target and make the bully feel superior and like they have power. The way to take away this power trip and make yourself a hard target is to bully right back. If a bully calls you a fag respond “Yeah so what, at least I can get some.” or “You only wish because you really want me.”. Do not make an effort to constantly bully the bully, just retort to them when they bully you in a way that puts them down.
I have a lot of people tell me that advocating that last option is wrong, because especially as a gay person we should be doing everything we can to not act like bullies. I understand where those people are coming from, but I staunchly disagree and believe that bullying the bully is the best option to protect people and remove yourself from being the target of a bully.
It is official on September, 20 2011 the discriminatory Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy has been repealed and gay people may now serve openly in the US military. One soldier celebrated this moment in the most personal manner possible by coming out to his dad.
Note: I cannot verify if this guy is real; however, he does have a history of videos about being in the military. I have found evidence that this soldier is real.
It is a good day in American history. However, there is still a long ways to go. Just because gays can serve openly they still are not equal as they are not eligible for the same benefits as straight service members. In addition trans people still cannot serve in the military.
So true…
“If Tetris has taught me anything, it’s that errors pile up and accomplishments disappear.” – Source Unknown
This story is hilarious. Talk about a gay boys first golden shower. If you want to skip straight to the good part skip to 1:14 in the video.
I will admit I am not well versed on the technical issues that face alternative power sources; however, I know that the current method of powering everything with coal and gas is not a sustainable option. I also believe that alternative power sources have not caught on because the coal and gas companies have one of the biggest lobbying efforts in the world. In my opinion coal and gas companies would rather we use coal and gas until it is gone and only once the entire world is without power look at alternative power.
One of the big detractors to alternative power is that they are expensive.
However, there has been an Infographic making headlines recently. This graphic states and I fully believe that in the past 5 years fossil fuels have received $72 Billion in subsidies. Solar power has only received $1 Billion in subsidies. If Solar power received $72 Billion in subsidies it would be a cheaper alternative to fossil fuels across the entire country.
My current fossil fuels bill for a year is roughly $1,600. This includes $600 for gas for my car (I work from home), $600 in coal generated Electricity, and $400 in Natural gas. As a taxpayer I also pay $104 a year in subsidies for this power. In the past year as a taxpayer I have only payed $1.45 to subsidize solar energy. Something seems terribly wrong about this picture. The energy source that is already well established and should not need subsidies receives billions of dollars in unnecessary help to increase their outrageous profits, but solar power which is not an established industry and needs subsidies to get off the ground receives next to nothing and struggle to make profits.
Take a look at the infographic and spread the word.
I have a friend who is quite a bit older than me and I am convinced her son is gay. Her son only hangs out with girls yet has never dated any of them. He never hangs out with any boys and apparently has even told his mom that he cannot go over to one of his friend’s houses because his friend is having her period right now and is too emotional.
This past weekend she and I were talking and she told me about how great of a husband her son will be as he understands girls periods. She also went on and on about how he is very emotional and in Middle School had to keep moving him between schools because he would be called gay. Do not get me wrong I am not calling any of these things she did wrong and think she is a great mother for moving him between schools constantly.
She knows I am gay and is fine with it. But she is also very religious. She just takes the stance that it is not her place to judge others for being gay, an alcoholic, or super religious. However, I also suspect she would be devastated if she learns her son is gay and for a little while it could ruin their relationship.
However, every time her son comes up for any length of time in conversation I want to scream “Have you ever considered that he may be gay?”. I refuse to do this for several reasons. First, I do not know for sure that he is gay. Second, if he is gay I do not want to force his hand. It is up to him when he wants to come out. The only thing I have said to his mom so far is make sure you do not try to force him to date. I remember my parent’s tried to make me do this and it was hard as I was not interested.
What would you do in this situation?