My Gay Life

For the past couple months I have been planning to come out to my parents when I go home for Thanksgiving. I had my plan all figured out where either Tuesday night or Wednesday during the day I was going to sit them both down and tell them at the same time. I was going to be prepared to leave and go to a hotel if necessary and skip the Thanksgiving dinner, although I was really hoping this would not happen and had 80% confidence it would not happen.

Well my dad came out to visit this past weekend and completely blew this plan to pieces. I remembered just how conservative my dad is and how poorly this is likely to go over with him at first. On his first morning here he was reading the newspaper and saw that the Gay and Lesbian fund is closing their office in Colorado Springs. He made the comment “Great! The Gay and Lesbian Fund is closing.” This felt like him taking a dagger and stabbing me with it.

Throughout the rest of the weekend I got constant subtle reminders about how conservative he is both financially and socially. This made me realize if I come out to both of my parents at the same time it is not likely to go well as my dad may not give my mom a chance to accept it and a chance for us to talk. I think my mom will be accepting, but it will be hard, and it will take some time and talking.

So, I have now come up with plan B. My new plan is what I really did not want to do as it is not fair to my mom. I am now planning to come out to my mom a day or two before I come out to my dad. This way my mom and I can talk, she can understand, and not have to fight my dad while she does this. I do not think it is fair to her to ask her not to tell my dad, but I do not see any other option. I also am not sure only giving her a couple days between telling her and telling my dad is enough, but I cannot live in the closet any longer. I have to do this and I have to do it now. I cannot wait until after Christmas, I cannot wait until after Thanksgiving. In fact for a while I was considering flying home in September just to tell them.

I wish I did not have to come out to them this way. I wish I was not scared about how my dad is going to react. I really wish that I felt comfortable enough to come out in high school. But I have to do it now for my own sake and hope for the best.