So despite being out of the closet in most aspects of my life I am still in the closet around my family. Why?
Well honestly it is two fold. First I have not had a boyfriend to take home for Christmas or Thanksgiving yet. As long as the questions about girlfriends do not get too much I do not see a reason to add that to my families life and risk my relationship with them. Once I have a serious boyfriend, I feel that I will have the emotional support I need to do this.
The second reason is although I have an idea of how my parents will react, I have no idea how the rest of my family will react. I do not want to go home for Christmas or Thanksgiving an be shunned or be the center of attention. I do not want my being gay to be a big deal at family events. I have a very large family and there is already too much drama at Thanksgiving and Christmas I do not want there to be more.
I know both of those reasons seem shallow, and they are. I do not have a deep reason. I think it is just who I am, I happen to be gay, but gay is not who I am, so not being out is not a big deal to me. I have frequently considered flying home to my parents just to come out, and I suspect I will do that some day. That day simply has not come yet. In the next 12 months will I do that, maybe. In the next 24 months right now I would say more than likely. In the next 5 years, I certainly hope so. But I am not planning this too hard. I will do it when I am ready, and until that day it will be this way.
October 13th, 2011 at 7:50 am
It’s a tough decision and there’s really no one size fits all. I remain convinced that one of the reasons certain groups want homosexuality to be a choice is that it gives them the opportunity to blame parents, particularly women, for the person’s “choice”. In this way, these groups can also control and manipulate women, rolling back the equality advancements women have made in the last 40 years. Thus, many parents (especially those with negative views on the topic) will believe that their child’s homosexuality is a reflection of their parenting skills, driving much of their response.
For quite sometime, my parents fell victim to the belief that my homosexuality was the result of something they did. This guilt was often expressed in the form of anger. Once they realized that I was gay – just because that’s what I am – they stopped feeling guilty and our relationship improved.
As a dad who raised two step kids (they’re in college now) and is now raising twin boys, I can truly say that there is NOTHING my kids could ever do to make me stop loving them. All four are my babies and special to me in their own way and I will love them unconditionally until the day I die.
Whatever your decision and whenever you do it, I hope the process plays out in a positive way.