Before I dive into this you may have noticed that the advertisements have disappeared from some pages on this site. Apparently Google has deemed some of these recent posts too mature to serve ads for. I guess this is good for you, but bad for me as the ads on this site do not even cover my costs to run this blog. I definitely am not making money off of them.
I was raised Catholic in an entirely Catholic family. I know many readers will go well you are gay so it is obvious why you are not Catholic. And although that is true in some respects there is a lot more to it than that. My dad was very strict when it came to church. You absolutely had to go to church every Sunday and CCD every Wednesday. There were no exceptions, if we were on vacation we would find a church to go to and go.
I went through the Catholic sacrament of Confirmation when I was in 8th grade even though I knew beyond a doubt at the time that I was not Catholic. I went through this because I felt I was forced to, not because I wanted to. Both of my brothers are Catholic, I am the odd duck in the family.
I think I started realizing I was not Catholic in probably the 4th or 5th grade before I even knew I was gay. My problem with Catholicism is it seemed to me that the church wanted to run my life and would not allow me to enjoy life. If you ate meat on Friday’s during Lent, or had an unclean thought, or said a word in anger you had to repent or you would not be saved. I think I realized at the time that despite this being what Catholics say, none of them actually live this way. I also have never believed there was another being out there, instead I have my own beliefs I will explain later.
Despite all of these feelings I felt I was forced to continue to go to church every Sunday I was home until I graduated from college and was self supporting. I have not been to a Catholic church for any service besides Christmas since.
My personal belief is that Heaven and Hell is how you are remembered. The more people’s lives you have touched and the better these people remember you after gone is Heaven. If people reflect badly on you after you are gone that is Hell. I know this is not clear cut as some people will remember good things about you and others will remember bad things no matter what. I believe Heaven and Hell is a continuum, not a particular place you can point to. I would place Mother Theresa at the top end of the continuum and Adolf Hitler at the bottom end of the continuum and most people fall somewhere in between.
Whenever I explain this belief to people I always get challenged so what about the 9/11 attackers. Many Muslims hold these attackers in high esteem, but most of the world sees poorly on them how can they be in both Heaven and Hell. I always try to explain that I believe these are a continuum and it is the combination of how you are recalled that determines where you fall on the spectrum.
Why do I hold this belief? I guess I just believe how you are remembered by others is the most important thing. As humans we are always trying to please others, always trying to help. We try to be remembered in a good note versus a bad note. Even those who commit atrocities frequently do it because they believe they will be praised for doing it. Adolf Hitler believed it was his duty to purge the world of the unclean and by doing so he believed he would be exalted. I could point out other examples but you get the point. So in my mind I know that people will remember me, so their memories are important. I do not know there is a physical place out there called Heaven and Hell, so what I know is more important than what may be.
Despite all of this, I still consider joining a church from time to time. Mainly because of the community that comes with a church, not for the actual religious beliefs.