I think the first time you come out is always a scary thing as you never know how people are going to react. You fret and plan on doing it for months on end waiting for the perfect time, which never comes. And finally, you just come out to one or two people. And then you continue to fret about whether the few people you told are going to tell others and plan again to come out to a few more people.
And you keep up this planning and telling cycle, until you finally get tired of it and realize that most people do not care you are gay. Plus you have enough friends who know that if you lose a few friends because you are gay it is no big deal. With obviously gay people they start living more openly and being themselves. This is really the end of the coming out process, after this everybody just sort of knows.
However, for people who are not so obviously gay like me, the coming out process never ends. Very few people can look at you and know you are gay. They say that they need to find you a girlfriend, or ask if you have any plans to get married. Even in this situation though the coming out process gets really easy. When someone asks you if you are getting married you either say no or you say I wish I could but gay people are not allowed to marry depending on the circumstances and how interested you are in having that conversation. Or when someone offers to set you up with a girlfriend you have the conversation below that I had with my neighbor a couple weeks ago.
Neighbor: Now we just need to find you a girlfriend.
Me: A boyfriend.
Neighbor: Oh… CJ is really nice.
Honestly, during that conversation I did not care what my neighbor thought of me being gay. If my neighbor had a problem with it, I would just not associate with them. If you have a problem with a gay person I do not need you in my life. You go from worrying about losing friends when you first come out to comfortable about who you are and do not care if you lose a friend because of it.
I have some very religious friends who disagree with gay people and gay marriage; however, I am still their friends because they do not judge me. They do not say to my face that I am going to hell. What they think in their personal time is not my problem. If they feel they need to pray for me to turn straight, fine, as long as they are not doing it to my face.
I also have lost some friends because I am gay. They were afraid I was going to hit on them. Or they were very religious and could not stop spouting their faith when they were around me.
So, you always hear people saying “It Gets Better”. But does it really? I would argue that it does not get better in regards to the possibility of you losing friends. It does not get better in regards to you never having to listen to someone spout that being gay is going to doom you to hell. But it does get better in that you become comfortable with yourself. It does get better in that you get to a point where it does not matter if you lose friends over being gay. Unfortunately, in some cases being gay will alienate you from your parents. All you can do is try to educate them. If they are not responsive it will hurt in ways I cannot imagine. However, it does get better in that you will find your own community and new friends that allow you to be who you are.
So wherever you are in the process know that it gets easier. You will get to the point you want to be. Take it one step at a time and most importantly learn to accept yourself for who you are.