I read some comments on several articles today that made me question are we as the gay community too quick to call someone a homophobe. When someone says that being gay is a choice are they a homophobe, ignorant, uneducated, illogical, or do they have some ground to stand on? When someone claims that marriage is solely for the purpose of procreation are they a homophobe, ignorant, uneducated, illogical, or do they have some ground to stand on?
The Oxford Dictionary defines homophobia as “an extreme and irrational aversion to homosexuality and homosexual people”. So based purely on Oxford’s definition someone who truly believes that being gay is a choice is not a homophobe. That leaves intentionally ignorant, uneducated, illogical, or they actually have a leg to stand on.
Going even further in today’s day and age calling someone a homophobe is just as derogatory as calling someone a fag, dyke, or tranny. All of these are accepted by some but others take these as very offensive and puts you on the defensive.
So if we are calling people homophobes we are putting them on the defensive. What are the chances of convincing someone to change their thinking if you put them on the defensive? They are not going to be open to listening to things you say and will not think rationally. They are trying to protect their honor. I agree that some people are homophobes, but the way we sling this word around is too pervasive and not necessarily always the right word to use.
So what word should we use? My thoughts after the jump.
Unfortunately, the more accurate terms willfully ignorant or uneducated on the issues will also put people on the defensive. Most of the people we call homophobes today probably fit better into one of these two categories than they do into the homophobia category. A lot of people who say marriage is solely for procreation have never really had a deep thought about the topic. They do not think about the implications of that statement. You could call these people willfully ignorant as they made the choice not to think about that statement but they are not homophobes.
On the other hand, in my experience being gay is not a choice. However, others have had the experience where they believe gay is a choice. I am not going to go into the validity of each view point. A lot of people, but not all, who say gay is not a choice have not done the research to support it. Or they have done research but they have not investigated the bias of the research. These people would qualify as both uneducated and willfully ignorant, but not necessarily homophobes.
Continuing on, someone who says marriage is solely for procreation and that is why gays should not marry, but also holds the opinion that straight people should be able to marry even if they do not procreate would be illogical if they have thought about this issue and continue to hold that statement as true. However, illogical and homophobia are not the same thing.
So what is the right word? I think one word does not fit. I think it would be better to say that most people we label as homophobes today should be called people to have a deep and educated conversation with on the issues. Yes a lot of politicians and church pastors and the likes of Maggie Gallagher are huge homophobes. But the everyday person who says that being gay is a choice or any of the other arguments against gay rights are not necessarily homophobes but are either willfully ignorant, uneducated, illogical, or they actually have a leg to stand on and you may be wrong.
If after having a conversation they are not willing to concede any points in the discussion, yes I would say they are a homophobe. But I do not believe we can label someone a homophobe until after you have a thorough and educated discussion with them. But you also need to be flexible and understanding of their view points, otherwise your conversation will be in vain.