My Gay Life

I find myself in a little dilemma with this post. I do not want to reveal information about my readers without their permission. However, in one particular case I feel obligated to post something. In order to do this, I must reveal how this user found this site.

I was checking my stats and noticed a user who searched for “how to suppress my gay urges”. Reading this, I felt obligated to write a post in reference to this. In my opinion, you cannot suppress your gay urges and be happy. You will always have the urges and the people who suppress them are the ones who are in the closet. However, as most people who come out would say, being in the closet was miserable because you cannot be yourself.

Yet, you see these people who claim they changed from being gay to being straight. I have never believed anyone who said this. Here are a few reasons why:

1. Ask any straight person to decide to be gay for two weeks and see if they succeed. The person would likely just laugh at you and say it is impossible. If so, then why is it possible for a gay person to decide to be straight.

2. The people who claim they changed, in every case I have heard of are now members of an anti-gay organization. I cannot believe that a person who was gay and understands the pain of being gay, would change and then join an organization that makes lives for gays more painful. This is about the biggest piece of hypocrisy I have ever heard.

3. I never had a moment in my life where I was sitting and said to myself “Hey, it would be fun to be gay.” Nor have I ever talked to or heard of anyone who has ever had such an experience.

4. With the extensive anti-gay sentiment in the US 40 years ago, if it was possible to change why didn’t ever gay person change. If this happened there would not be any 50 year old gays, but there is.

Therefore, I say it is impossible to change which in turn means it is impossible to suppress your gay urges. There seem to be three options. The first is live openly gay, but the person searching for help obviously does not feel this is an option at this time. The second, is to live gay in private. This is an absolutely miserable way to live, it does not provide for companionship and is only sustainable for a lifetime by the strongest of individuals. Yet, this is better than the third alternative, which happens all too often, suicide. Please, if you read this, and you are contemplating suicide, get help. Talk to a teacher, a family member, a friend, or call a suicide hotline. A list of several suicide hotlines is available at www.SuicideHotlines.com. Please do not feel this course of action is your only choice, there are people who care about you and are willing to help you.

I personally considered suicide several times, stupidly I never reached for help, but knowing my friends were there and cared about me was enough to prevent me. Yet to this day, I wish I had told someone, I wish I had gotten help learning to accept myself and be okay with what others thought of me. Please get help if you need it.

If you cannot come out to everyone right now, I suggest finding one or two good friends you can rely on and live openly when you are around them. I cannot provide any real advice to living in the closet outside of be strong, learn to live with yourself, realize it does not matter what others think of you, and when you can support yourself come out.

Well I saw some good news today. CNN recently did a poll found that 56% of people believe the truth that we do not choose to be gay, it is just who we are and therefore we could not change to being straight if we want to. Most of us probably want to solely so we do not have to deal with the outcasting of gays and so we can have our own kids.

In other good news it showed that 51% of Americans now support at the least Civil Unions with 27% of that supporting gay marriage. So are we going to see the repealing of the hastily passed laws and amendments banning gay marriage or civil unions. I don’t think in the next 5 years we will see that, but I do think we will see fewer of those laws or amendments being passed. The reason I say this is as long as the staunchly religious bigots (who could probably come up with a religious reason why african americans are not human if they wanted to) have money and promise to bite the head off of any politician who oppose them, very few politicians will be willing to stand against them. However, over time more people are going to see them for who they are, bigots, and they will lose credibility.

I do see all this as good news. It means we are continuing to make progress. Will things ever be ideal where we do not have people who want to outcast and humiliate us. NO. Just like african americans, just like hispanics, just like woman still have those who are racist or do not feel they can do the jobs, homosexuals will always face the challenges we face today, just against a smaller number of people.

So what is the next step. Going after the only place in America where admitting to being bigots is praised. The military. Traditionally, and still today the military has proven itself to be the biggest bigots in America. This is visible in Don’t ask Don’t Tell, the discouraging or refusal to let women fight on the front lines, even the segregated units where the african american units were sent to the most dangerous battles so fewer whites were killed. We need to convince the government sponsored bigots to admit that gays are human and that we can fight for our country as well as anyone else. Getting rid of government sponsored bigotry would be a huge step in the right direction.

So I have realized that I have been putting a brave facade on for the last few months both on this blog and to even a larger extent myself. I have realized that coming out is singly and most importantly about being honest with myself. So here goes:

I am scared out of my pants about coming out. This is why I did not go out the past two weekends to a gay bar. In fact I didn’t go out at all, I was antisocial. I keep claiming an excuse that I really do not know anyone who is gay. Yes, there are several I suspect to be gay, but I cannot say that definitively. However, the real reason is I am afraid of being outcast.

I need to get over my fear, everyone has to get over their fear before coming out.

Well I guess it is way past time to write again, but I find myself asking what to write. Since my last post, not a whole lot has happened. I haven’t made it out to the gay bars yet, I really have not met anyone special, I have basically been stuck sitting around waiting for that first paycheck or two. I almost did come out to some people, but it was neither the time or place to do so.

Therefore with nothing to write about me, I think I am stuck writing my opinion on gay relationships. Specifically gay relationships between three or more people and why I think these work, when the same relationships do not work for straight couples.

When looking at the gay community a large number are either in or interested in a relationship with two or more guys. A straight mindset says this will never work. However, straight relationships and gay relationships have unique differences. First and foremost, straight relationships have females and in todays society females are raised to believe that sleeping with more than one guy is wrong. Well they do not necessarily follow this strictly, but they do seem to say you can only be in a relationship and love one person. However, guys see things differently. Straight guys say if she’s hot and her personality is not repulsive why not be in a relationship with her. Well with only guys being in a gay relationship to me at least the thought is what is stopping me from falling in love with more than one person.

Besides if there is more than two in a couple, there are more people to share the burden of finances. If one of the members of the relationship has a job that requires travel the others are not left alone. And thinking dirty there are just so many more things you can do with your partners. So honestly, I would prefer a threeway or fourway or even more relationship. There should be no rule saying you can only love one person. I want to love as many people as God has given me to love.