Being gay, the biggest problem I have yet encountered is how to tell a gay guy from a straight guy. Yes, there is this thing we all call gaydar, but as most of us have noticed it is not accurate. So, since gaydar doesn’t work how else are you supposed to meet gays.
In heterosexual life, a lot of guys and girls go to dance clubs to meet each other, and this is great for them. But if you are not from a major city, and instead a smaller city there may not be many gay dance clubs. In the town I live in right now, there are about 15 bars/dance clubs in a half mile radius, but there is only one gay bar in town. Some might say this is nice, because it means all of the gays are in one spot, but this could not be further from the case. This bar does not appeal to many, and leaves us with little or no choice for meeting other guys.
In addition, going to a dance club with your heterosexual friends can be difficult. Since you cannot tell who is gay and who is not, you have to pick up a woman to dance with. But as you have no interest in women, the motivation to do this can be extremely difficult. Yes, some gays may find this extremely easy to do depending on their personality, but many others like me find this reason not to go to dance clubs. Going to bars is okay because often you will just chat with your friends. There is no pressure to find a mate and dance.
So how do you meet gays in a smaller town. I am not talking a one stop sign town, but a town of 100,000 people. There may only be one gay bar, and that bar does not appeal to you. Well, you are forced to try to find gay advocacy groups. Yet a lot of these groups seem to be more about proclaiming they are gay every chance they get than they are about meeting other people. This does not fit me either.
Therefore, I continue to find myself fighting every single day to determine how do I meet gay guys without going to the only gay bar in town, and without joining these “everyone should be flamboyantly gay” advocacy groups. This leaves sites like facebook and myspace, yet many will not list their sexual orientation if they are gay to avoid discrimination at the job site or in other forms.
There just is not a good media in a smaller town for non-flamboyant gays to meet. The people I would like to hang out with are those who do not act gay all of the time and are not going to randomly come out and say I am gay. The people I would like to hang out with are those guys you would think are straight, but if you ask them will admit they are gay.
Meeting other gays, may be the most difficult part about being gay. Unlike heterosexuals who can say oh it’s a girl I am going to try to hook up, there is no way to visibly tell if someone is gay.