I do not know if I can make 6 months before coming out. Everytime I am with one of my good friends all I want to say is I am gay.
I was sitting in an office yesterday with a friend of mine not really talking to each other, just getting our own stuff done, but as I tried to get stuff done, I kept finding myself wanting to say I am gay.
Today I was watching women’s tennis with another friend. We were just chatting, but I just kept wanting to say I am gay.
With the anticipation of coming out, all of that effort I put into not being myself no longer seems to be worth it. Having to suppress my emotions everytime someone discusses why gays should not be allowed to marry or every time I see a hot guy and want to say something about it has taken quite a toll on me. Putting forth the effort to suppress these emotions no longer seems worth it.
I have been home alone tonight and every few minutes I have an urge to IM one of my friends and tell them I am gay. It is frustrating not being able to act on these urges and the more frustrated I become the more I want to come out. It is getting to the point of almost being unbearable to stay in the closet. Having to continue to deny myself my desires no longer seems feasible.
I need to come out soon.