My Gay Life

Although, I personally am just starting the process of coming out, there are a few things that I have found that I think would help any person coming out.

First, if at all possible, become friends with another gay person and come out to him first. This person will already have been through the process of coming out and could be a person to lean on when the going gets tough. This person will be able to offer advice, and just general consoling when needed. This person should also be able to introduce you to the local gay community so you no longer feel completely isolated.

Secondly, know this process will be hard. You do not need to come out to everyone at once. Begin by coming out to the people you feel would be comfortable with you being gay, but do not be desecrated if the person no longer accepts you. When coming out you will probably lose a few very good friends, but being able to be yourself and the new friends you will gain will be well worth it. Spread coming out over months if you feel you need to.

Third, read stories from other people coming out. Although most of the stories might be very short they should help you realize that you are not alone in what you are going through. One resource I have found for this is http://k.domaindlx.com/comingoutstories/.

Finally, although not required it may help convince you to come out, a very good movie to acquire, even though it is German (I believe?) and subtitled, is Summer Storm. If you have the money and resources I recommend acquiring this movie and watching it before coming out. It helped me and has convinced me all the more to come out.

Well there has been quite a bit of controversy about the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy of the US Military lately. As a homosexual I see two sides of this.

First, I greatly respect the homosexual servicemen out there and feel they should be able to serve openly. Living closeted, I understand how stressful and depressing it can by to hide your sexuality. This issue has made me ask if a homosexual can die for his country, why can’t a gay be himself. Why should the men in uniform have to hide.

There is the argument that it would cause issues within the battalions, but with the general accepting of homosexuals in today society I do not see how this is going to cause an issue. If one is open about being gay and someone has a problem with it this could cause some animosity; however, most of the homophobia I have encountered has to do with showering or living with a homosexual and the fear of being assaulted. If explained that, we are human and yes we will look as much as we may try not too, we will not come on to you if you do not want us to. Almost every homosexual is very accepting and does not want to make you feel uncomfortable. It is the same concept as heterosexuals. If a heterosexual guy was to shower with a female, he would look, but he would not come on to or assault this female.

Granted there are exceptions to the above rule, but if those few exceptions are enough reason for the policy, then those exceptions are also enough to not allow women into the armed forces, or create separate armed forces for men and women.

Now on the other hand, for some very personal reasons I like the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy. I know this will be very controversial and get me flamed, but being gay excludes me from being drafted under this policy. I do not see the draft coming back anytime soon, but it is always a possibility. I disagree with the Iraq war, I feel it was a stupid idea to go in in the first place, and the younger Bush trying to finish the task his daddy started earlier.

Now my opinions of the war do not matter much, but it helps me to illustrate my point. Being gay, if I disagree with the war that starts the draft, I can simply choose to tell and get kicked out of the military. If I agree with the war, I could then choose not to tell. So in that respect, being selfish I appreciate the policy being there.

However, when I look at the bigger picture, I wish the gay servicemen could be themselves and come out of the closet. I cannot imagine how I would feel if I was in the military and could not come out.

I do not know if I can make 6 months before coming out. Everytime I am with one of my good friends all I want to say is I am gay.

I was sitting in an office yesterday with a friend of mine not really talking to each other, just getting our own stuff done, but as I tried to get stuff done, I kept finding myself wanting to say I am gay.

Today I was watching women’s tennis with another friend. We were just chatting, but I just kept wanting to say I am gay.

With the anticipation of coming out, all of that effort I put into not being myself no longer seems to be worth it. Having to suppress my emotions everytime someone discusses why gays should not be allowed to marry or every time I see a hot guy and want to say something about it has taken quite a toll on me. Putting forth the effort to suppress these emotions no longer seems worth it.

I have been home alone tonight and every few minutes I have an urge to IM one of my friends and tell them I am gay. It is frustrating not being able to act on these urges and the more frustrated I become the more I want to come out. It is getting to the point of almost being unbearable to stay in the closet. Having to continue to deny myself my desires no longer seems feasible.

I need to come out soon.

Over the last week, I have been itching to come out. I am excited about beginning a new life being openly gay. I feel it will finally allow me to be me. Everytime I have talked to a friend for the past week, I have just wanted to say “I am gay”.

However, every time I think and almost say this, I am frustrated. I don’t feel I can come out until after I am out from under my parents. Although I know my mom wouldn’t disown me, and I don’t think my dad would, I feel safer waiting until I no longer need their help financially. Every time I want to say “I am gay” I have to remind myself to wait 6 months.

I just want to be able to come out. I just want everyone to be accepting of homosexuals. I just want to be able to truly begin my gay life, not pretend to be a straight guy. I have started to drop small hints, but I wish I could just come out and say it. Honestly, at this point if a friend does not accept me, I do not care. If you do not accept me then I am no longer your friend. I want to be able to come out.

Six months…I just keep telling myself 6 months.

As any gay person will tell you, it is not their choice they are gay. Almost every gay person has tried not to be gay and it hasn’t worked, we just like other guys. However, due to society’s stance on gay people most gay people are afraid to come out.

There have been many times I considered suicide because I was gay. I want to be able to be myself and be gay, but am afraid I will lose the support of my parents and the support of all of my friends. Therefore I continue to be in the closet. Over the last 3 months I did become good friends with a gay person and we have talked, but I am still not ready to come out.

Over the past two days the topic of coming out has been forced to the forefront as a former NBA player revealed he was gay. In response to this, the sensationalist media began asking every former NBA player they could find who would talk how they felt about this.

Well Tim Hardaway did, and he was honest. He said he hates gay people and wouldn’t want to be around one, yet no gay person will make an advance on you unless we think you are gay. Being talked down to and disrespected either directly or indirectly our entire life we try and respect people’s feelings. Tim Hardaway continued to admit to being a bigot and a homophobe announcing that he doesn’t think gay people should be on this planet. Again, I respect Tim Hardaway’s position no matter how much I disagree with it, I just want to point out that it is attitudes like these that many many people quietly have that makes it so hard for our young people to grow up being gay.

These attitudes increase suicides, they increase depression, they increase hate crimes. I respect how Stern and the NBA have responded removing Tim Hardaway from any official positions representing the league. I applaud them for taking swift and decisive action saying these are not the attitudes we want associated with this organization.

All of this has led me to bring up this question, a question that I have seen posed in the past:

If your kid was gay, would you love him any less?

Answer this question before the next time you decide you hate gays. Answer this question before you put down a gay. Answer this question before you decide homosexual couples should not have the right to receive the same tax benefits as married couples.

This is the final continuation of my biography. Mainly because I am tired of doing my biography and want to get to real posts.

Well, my parents told me they were scared I was gay and I now felt I had to live in the closet for the rest of my life. I started to learn a few people from my high school were coming out, but I really didn’t know any of them. I continued throughout high school trying to let the gay jokes just slide off. Gay jokes hurt even if they aren’t directed at you if they are said with maliscious intent.

I proceeded to go to college and it wasn’t until my freshman year that I met someone who was gay. He too was in the closet and shortly after I met him came out. The only issue was right after he came out, he quit the organization I was involved in, and seeing as we weren’t great friends we haven’t kept in contact since.

The biggest thing I have wanted throughout all of this was simply someone to talk to, but I felt I didn’t have anyone to talk to.

Over the last 6 years I have been constantly considering when and how to come out. I am still thinking about it, but expect to be mostly out of the closet by the end of 2007. Over this time, I accidentally came out to one friend. We never really have talked about it and we are still friends. As it wasn’t something I was ready to talk about then, we didn’t talk.

Well after all of this and my experiences, and still having no one to talk to, I decided to start this site. When I started this site not only did I want to share my story to let other gays know they were not alone, but to me it is someone to talk to.

Over the next few weeks, I will begin blogging about current events in my life.